SEPTEMBER LAUGHS

WHAT AN UNDERSTANDING WIFE HE HAS:

A married man left work early one Friday, but instead of going home, he spent the weekend partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife really got on his case and stayed on it. After a few of hours of swearing and screaming, his wife paused and pointed at him and made him an offer. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for a couple of days?".....The husband couldn't believe his luck, so he looked up, smiled and said, "That would suit me just fine!!" Monday went by, and the man didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday went by and he still didn't see her. Come Thursday, the swelling went down a bit and he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

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LOTTO TICKET:

One day, the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring."Where did you get that ring?" her husband asks."Well, she replies, "My boss and I played the lotto and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings." A week later, his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat. Where did you get that coat?" her husband asks. She replies " My boss and I played the lotto and we won again, so I bought it with my share of the winnings." Another week later, his wife comes home, you guessed it: driving a cadillac, her share of the lotto winnings. That night, the wife asks her husband to run her a nice warm bath while she gets undressed. When she enters the bathroom, she finds that there is barely enough water in the bath to cover the bath plug. "What's this?" she asks her husband. "Well," he replies, "We don't want to get your lotto ticket wet, do we??"